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CREATING A MEANINGFUL LIFE

In the last few years a number of people who struggled emotionally because of meaninglessness of their life, came to my clinic to consult me as a psychotherapist. They did not suffer from any mental illness. They were not psychotic or clinically depressed. Their main complaint was,

“My life is meaningless”

“I have no purpose in life”

“My life is not fulfilling”.

They wanted me to help them in creating a meaningful life.

        While I was working with these people in therapy I prepared a questionnaire and sent it to my friends and colleagues to find out how they discovered their meaning in life. I thought reading those responses might help and inspire my patients to create their own unique meaning in life. My questionnaire included the following four questions. 

1.  Do you believe LIFE has a meaning? If yes, what is it?

2.  Does YOUR LIFE have meaning? If yes, what makes it meaningful?

3.  Did you ever feel YOUR LIFE was meaningless? If yes, how did you make it meaningful?

4.  Do you consider yourself a religious, spiritual or a secular person? What is your philosophy of life?

……………………………………………………………………

I was pleasantly surprised by the enthusiastic responses. Those responses ranged from 5 lines to 5 paragraphs to 5 pages. Interestingly in the respondents there were more men than women and more secular than religious people. When I read all the responses I received I realized that their answers could be divided in the following groups. 

1. MEANINGFUL PERSONAL DREAMS

A number of respondents had personal goals, ambitions and dreams that made their life meaningful. As they followed their passions and dreams their life took a positive turn and made it more enjoyable. Some wanted to develop their fullest potential while others wanted to develop their artistic talents and create masterpieces.

One respondent said, “One must live one’s life to the fullest…ensuring one is true to oneself first and foremost…”

One artist responded, “Until I have created my ‘masterpiece’ there will be a void, but perhaps that is the pursuit of many artists.”

A writer stated, “I read books, I write books, which makes life very meaningful.”

One respondent quoted George Eliot who said, “It is never too late to become what you might have been.”

2. MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS

There were a number of respondents who found meaning in their emotional bonds. For them their friends, sweethearts, spouses, colleagues and relatives enriched their lives. One mother said, “My children make my life meaningful…” For many, loving relationships were a source of meaning in their lives.

One respondent stated, “What makes life meaningful is the fact that I have a family, have children, grandchildren, friends, relatives….”

3. MEANINGFUL SERVICE TO HUMANITY

There were a large number of respondents who believed that serving other human beings made their life meaningful. Their altruistic behavior helped them rise above their selfish mindset and made them part of the whole humanity. They felt they were part of creating a happy, healthy and peaceful world. One respondent said, “My life has meaning because I care about other human beings. I have been involved in human rights issues since I was a teenager and I have been trying to educate people about that. Another task that I have taken upon myself is to encourage people to adopt scientific thinking and I have been quite successful in that. Those endeavors make my life meaningful. They make me feel that I HAVE made a difference.”

4. MEANINGFUL CONNECTION WITH GOD AND RELIGION

There was a small number of respondents who felt that their

special relationship with their God and religion provided a meaning to their lives. One respondent who suffered from depression believed that belief in God helped many depressed people to stay alive otherwise those who felt desperate would have committed suicide. He stated, “ …in case of depression, it is religion that gives you support and a light for living, otherwise there should have been much more suicides in the world than those occur at present. Everyone gets depression at one time or another. Some overcome it without any help, some need psychiatric help. Religion, right or wrong provides a good psychiatric support to overcome depression and provides a meaning to life and urge to live.” One female Muslim stated, “I have always felt the presence of ALLAH around me and that has always been meaningful to me.”

Another male Muslim wrote,” So I am a Muslim and believe in One God, the Creator and the concept of life after death and accountability of my actions in this existing life. And this assumption or faith has made my life meaningful.”

DOES LIFE IN GENERAL HAVE MEANING?

In my interview alongside asking people about their personal life I also asked them whether life in general had a meaning. Most secular people believed life had no intrinsic meaning while spiritual and religious people believed life had an inherent meaning. Some seemed unsure. One woman said “Life has a meaning but I do not know what it is”. Some believed it SHOULD have a meaning otherwise life would be meaningless and the idea of a meaningless life made them uncomfortable. One respondent stated, “Every life must have had a meaning, for if not, then the whole act of creation becomes meaningless…”

        It was interesting for me to see how for some religious people a faith in God and religion and for spiritual people their spiritual ideals made their lives meaningful. One Muslim stated, “My life has a meaning to serve ALLAH and be able to connect people with ALLAH”. On the other hand secular people did not need God, religion or spiritual values to make their lives meaningful. For them their art, music, loving relationships and serving humanity were enough to lead an enjoyable, exciting and meaningful life. For some secular people their spirituality was more connected with humanity than divinity. One secular respondent said, “I am very spiritual and secular humanist. The source of spirituality is love, knowledge and above all music.”

Some secular people had a unique perspective to meaninglessness of life. One stated, “I find meaningfulness of life in its meaninglessness.” Another non-religious person felt meaning was not important to enjoy life. He said, “ …overall I find my life most satisfying—whether with or without meaning”

Some secular people believed that as human beings evolve and grow and develop rational and logical thinking, their need for God and organized religions will become less and less. One respondent stated, “God was created by humans for psychological and emotional reasons. As human courage and wisdom grows further, God will be buried in the caves he came from”

        It was fascinating to see how secular people searched for meaning in life without religious and spiritual traditions. One quoted Bertrand Russell for defining good life, “A good life is one, inspired by love and guided by knowledge.” The other responded that he tried to make his life meaningful by, “ Enjoying various thrills of life that nature has gifted us, with the least amount of guilt and repentance. He added, “I am extraordinarily conscious of my cosmic ignorance and I strive to be compassionately ego-less, carefully fearless and ethically guilt-free.”.

SERVING HUMANITY

Of all the religious, spiritual and secular respondents, alongside their differences of opinion, they had a reasonable consensus on one aspect. Most of them agreed that serving humanity was a major source of making their lives meaningful as such activities connected them with other human beings in a meaningful way.

One respondent said, “…One of the major pleasures is to be of some help to other human beings…”. Such behaviors decrease human suffering and increase quality of life. Serving humanity creates genuine bonds and friendships between people where they rise above the religious, cultural, gender and ethnic differences and connect with common humanity. It seems as if by serving humanity human beings can strive to become fully human individually and collectively, rise to the next stage of human evolution and become part of creating a loving, just and peaceful world.       One of my favorite responses were, “ My aim is to be the best person I can be and to strive to change the world for the better even in a small way.”

        When I was reviewing the responses I realized that some people had accepted the traditional meaning of life, the meaning offered to them by their families, communities, religions and cultures, while there were others who had rejected the traditional meaning but found their own meaning to their lives.

        When I shared the responses with the people I was working in my clinic who were struggling with meaninglessness in their lives, as it was distressing for them, they found those answers quite helpful. It offered them hope and inspired them to discover their own unique meaning by:

…focusing on their personal talents and pursuing a hobby, a passion and a dream. They finally got in touch with the special gift life had offered them but they had been unaware of it

…developing new relationships and creating a circle of close friends, that I call family of the heart

and

…doing some voluntary work to serve their communities.

        I was pleased that my friends sent thoughtful answers to my questions and I felt honored that my patients gave me an opportunity to help them in creating meaningful lives. Helping them also gave meaning to my life as a humanist psychotherapist.