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 STORY…A  GOOD REASON TO LIVE

                           

For many weeks and months Jaanne had been feeling sad and depressed and melancholic. She had realized she had no good reason to live anymore. Her life had become useless and meaningless. She was fired from her job and her marriage had failed. She lived alone and felt lonely.

            On her 50th birthday she got up, went to the washroom and then went back to bed. The sight of wrinkles on her face made her feel worse. She had no plans and no good reason to get up. Lying in bed she started contemplating about ending her life. She thought of the bottle of pills she had from the time she used to take anti-depressants. It was such a long time ago. Maybe the medications had expired. Maybe they would make her unconscious but not kill her. She did not want to wake up in the emergency room feeling that she had failed even to kill herself. She could not tolerate another failure in her life.

            She rejected that idea and thought of jumping from the bridge in front of the traffic. What if that broke her legs but still did not kill her? It would also make a lot of mess on the highway. She rejected that idea too.

            Then she thought of buying a gun and shooting herself. But then she rejected that idea too as it sounded too bloody. She wanted a peaceful not a violent death. She could not imagine her brains splashed all over the walls of her bedroom.

            In the evening she went for a long walk. When she arrived at the lake, she thought of Virginia Woolf, who had filled her coat pockets with rocks and walked into water, never to return again. Of all the options she could imagine, that sounded like the most peaceful death.

            While Joanne was contemplating about filling her coat pockets with rocks, her cell phone rang. It was her son David wishing her a happy birthday and inviting her for dinner.

            When she arrived at David’s house, she was welcomed by his wife Suzanne who had her son Adam in her arms. The moment Adam saw her grandma he smiled and wanted to be picked up by her. When Joanne took him in her lap he put his arms around her neck and snuggled up to her.

            “He has a special relationship with you” Suzanne said.

            “He does not snuggle up with anyone like that, not even with her mom.” David confirmed.

            “After all I am his special grandma. He loves me.” Joanne responded.

While Joanne was saying those words she saw a special smile on Adam’s face. She kissed him and said, “I love you, my little prince.”

            Suddenly Joanne felt a warm feeling in her heart. Adam’s smile was like a sun that was coming out of the dark clouds of her heart. She could feel the sunshine of his love. It was that smile, that love that changed her life.

            “I want to live.” Someone whispered in her heart, “to see Adam grow” She smiled at Adam and he smiled back as if he could read her thoughts. That night when she was going home she felt peaceful. She had found a good reason to live.